For the first time, in a long time, I can honestly tell myself I am happy with where I am in my life. A lot of people wether it be friends or family members disagree with where my life is. I don't know if it's because they are jealous, or pissed because they can't stand to see me happy with life, when they are so miserable in their own. My main reason walked into my life around this time a year ago. He is my pride and joy. As the day came for us too finally meet after about three weeks talking on the phone and sending pictures, I was nervous and excited at the same time. I noticed a black car pass the house, slow, then my phone rang and it was him! I answered and told him that he passed the house, he turned around. The moment he got out of his car, and looked at me, I walked down the stairs and my jaw dropped. He looked so perfect, and I had butterflies in my stomach and felt like a little kid in puppy love again. I knew as soon as our eyes met that I was going to marry this man. And long be hold five incredible months later I married him! His name is Justin. He has given me the inspiration and courage to be myself, and too be the best girl I can be. Justin is one of the two reasons I get up in the morning (even though I hate getting out of bed, because my bed is so comfortable :) ). My other reason is the incredible baby girl I have growing inside of me.
The way Justin puts his head on my stomach and talks to our daughter is the sweetest thing I have witnessed in a long time, by a man. When he talks to her, it puts the biggest smile on my face, and I fall in love with him every day over again as if it were the first time we met.
People in my life think I am crazy for marrying so young, and having a baby so young. But I am happy and comfortable with my life. If you don't like the way my life is, then get out of it, and stop talking to other people about me, and how I am fucking up by marrying young and having a baby young without a stable life. So I may not have a stable life, I don't know where I'm going in life, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. All I do know is the only two people I need in my life are my amazingly perfect husband and my daughter. I am going to be the best damn mother to this little girl that I know how to be, and if you don't like it, then get out of my life!!! I don't need all the negative people around me or my family. I need people in my life that are going to be there for me when I need them, I need people who want to be in my life and want to have something to do with my family. I want people who don't talk behind my back about my life and my family.
I am 100% totally and completely happy with my life, and my family I helped create with a great husband. He is always there for me when I need him. He always makes me feel complete and happy. He is the reason I am trying to better my life and trying to get my life figured out before my daughter arrives in about ten weeks!!
People need to understand that I am not going to change for anyone, except myself, my husband, and my daughter. They are the only two people that will love and support me through everything and not complain as I do it. People in my family say they support me, and when it comes down to it, instead of telling me that they think I am fucking up, they go and tell other people in the family who have nothing to do with me to begin with. Then I hear it from them, what the other person said.
My husband is there for me, and I am there for him and he is all I need!
I love you Justin with all of my heart! <3
Friday, June 17, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
30 week update on Haylee and my feelings and emotions of her and as my journey to motherhood gets closer by the day
Our little bundle of joy is doing GREAT! We went for our 30 week routine check up, and the doctor said Haylee is doing great! I am 29.4 weeks!!! I am getting super excited for her arrival! I can't wait to hold her in my arms and have her grab my finger and smile at me! I dream about it sometimes at night.
I don't know what to expect as a fist time mother. I don't know if everything I am doing is right. I don't know what I can do, to be better, and do better. I don't know how to get my body ready for delivery, that's going to be here before I know it.
I know Justin is very excited to be a father. He is already so cute with her. When he wakes up in the morning and gets ready to leave, he kisses my stomach and tells her "Daddy loves you." Then when he comes home from work he does the same thing. Sometimes when he works late, or has staff duty he will call me, just so I can put the phone on speaker and up to my stomach so he can talk to her. He makes sure I have everything I need to be comfortable, and happy. I can already tell he going to make one great father to this little girl. He is so perfect and I would never try to change anything about his connection with his little girl that he has right now. When he lays his head down on my stomach and talks to her, it puts the biggest smile on my face, and I can tell how he is going to be when she is born. He always tells me that he is going to hold her all the time, and he is going to be the first one out of us two, to hold her. Justin makes me realize that life is going to great with our new family and life.
It's going to take time to get use to no sleep, and always being tired. I am trying to get as much sleep as I can right now. With Haylee pounding my ribs and sides all night, it makes it harder and harder to try to sleep. I am so glad I am going through this incredible experience as a mother, and I have a great husband who does everything in his power to make me comfortable, and who has unconditional love for his daughter and me. I can't wait to see what she looks like! I am really hoping she has Justin's blue eyes and she has blonde hair. But as long as she is happy and healthy I guess that all really doesn't matter.
Haylee Brooke is scheduled to arrive into the world on August 29th, 2011. As each day passes it's one more day of the rest of our life with our daughter. With Justin being her father, I think she is going to be one spoiled little girl!!! I am her mother and I am going to spoil her as much as I can.
Daddy and I love you Haylee Brooke so much already! In a few weeks we will love you even more when we can meet you in person.
I don't know what to expect as a fist time mother. I don't know if everything I am doing is right. I don't know what I can do, to be better, and do better. I don't know how to get my body ready for delivery, that's going to be here before I know it.
I know Justin is very excited to be a father. He is already so cute with her. When he wakes up in the morning and gets ready to leave, he kisses my stomach and tells her "Daddy loves you." Then when he comes home from work he does the same thing. Sometimes when he works late, or has staff duty he will call me, just so I can put the phone on speaker and up to my stomach so he can talk to her. He makes sure I have everything I need to be comfortable, and happy. I can already tell he going to make one great father to this little girl. He is so perfect and I would never try to change anything about his connection with his little girl that he has right now. When he lays his head down on my stomach and talks to her, it puts the biggest smile on my face, and I can tell how he is going to be when she is born. He always tells me that he is going to hold her all the time, and he is going to be the first one out of us two, to hold her. Justin makes me realize that life is going to great with our new family and life.
It's going to take time to get use to no sleep, and always being tired. I am trying to get as much sleep as I can right now. With Haylee pounding my ribs and sides all night, it makes it harder and harder to try to sleep. I am so glad I am going through this incredible experience as a mother, and I have a great husband who does everything in his power to make me comfortable, and who has unconditional love for his daughter and me. I can't wait to see what she looks like! I am really hoping she has Justin's blue eyes and she has blonde hair. But as long as she is happy and healthy I guess that all really doesn't matter.
Haylee Brooke is scheduled to arrive into the world on August 29th, 2011. As each day passes it's one more day of the rest of our life with our daughter. With Justin being her father, I think she is going to be one spoiled little girl!!! I am her mother and I am going to spoil her as much as I can.
Daddy and I love you Haylee Brooke so much already! In a few weeks we will love you even more when we can meet you in person.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
My Hero & Inspiration
My biggest inspiration and hero is my 9 year old little sister. Her name is Vivian Eve. She is a beautiful blue eyed, blonde haired girl. She is spunky and has an attitude of a teenager on her. She is the sweetest little girl you will ever meet. She is the youngest child out of 5 in our family, with me being the oldest! One fall September day in 2008, I was sitting at my parent's house babysitting Vivian, my other sister Becky was home as well. I can remember she wanted milk. So I gave her a glass of milk and as soon as it was gone, she wanted more. So I kept giving her milk. After about 5 small glasses, she threw up all over the couch!!! It wasn't a normal color it was pretty disgusting. So I grabbed her hand and ran her into the bathroom. I was freaking out, cause I didn't know what to do. She threw up some more. I cleaned off the couch as best as I could. I called my parents, and told them everything that happened. They told me to lay her down on the couch with her puppy and a blanket, and give her water to drink. So I did just that. She drank the water and kept asking for more. I thought this was really odd for her to be drinking so much. So my parents came home, and Vivian was on the couch watching television half asleep. So the weekend came, and Vivian and my mom were in my uncle's wedding on September 23. Vivian was the flower girl. That whole day she looked so pale, and would not leave mom's side. She said she didn't feel good. Everyone in the family took it as she was just sick, and didn't think anymore of it. The weekend pasted and college was just starting up that Monday. Dad dropped me off at college, and then took Vivi to Dr. Glantz office. He checked her sugar and it was over 400. (The doctor's meters only read up too 400). Dad took her to Rome Hospital, they said her sugar was over 900. They got her sugar down to a more stable level and took her by ambulance to Upstate Hospital in Syracuse! My mom met dad at Rome, and rode in the ambulance with Vivian, and dad followed behind in the van. Mean while, my two younger sisters and brother have no idea any of this is happening. They were all in school. My parents didn't want the kids to worry while in school. My parents were updating me, so I could figure out what to do, as far as to go home, or stay at my grandparent's house. I told them I was going to finish classes I only had 3 hours for the day. I called my grandparent's and they came and picked me up from school.
Dad came home that night, at told my siblings what was going on, and that mom was going to stay at the hospital with Vivian. When the kids went to bed, Dad told me that as soon as he walked into the Upstate hospital, found Vivi's room, he saw her eyes rolling in the back of her head and lost it and walked out. They diagnosed her as having type 2 diabetes commonly called Juvenile Diabetes.
It has been a rough road these past 3 years. She is doing great now. Last year she did have a seizure and my parents called the ambulance and the fire department came and worked on her. Her blood sugar was extremely low!!!! When she came too, she told the paramedics that she had to be home in time for her soccer game at 10.
Before she had the pod, she would get 4-8 shots of insulin daily (on a good day, when her sugar was in the normal range for her). Other days it would be 8-10 shots a day. Now, she has been on the Omni Pod for about a year. That works wonders!! We don't have to worry about giving her shots anymore. Every 3 days, my parents change her pod, and attach it to another part of her body. (Arms, stomach, backside, or her thighs) It already has the insulin in the pod. So she carries around a little monitor around with her wherever she goes. She calls it Petey!. What it does, is she pricks her finger and it reads her blood sugar, then she eats and after she's done. The carbs in all the food she ate gets added all together, and entered into the monitor, and then we enter her blood sugar before she ate, and it gets calculated and then it tells the pod how much insulin to inject into Vivian. It's so much simpler then counting the carbs, and doing all the math then putting a needle into the vial of insulin and listening to her cry when the needle was injected into her. With having all this happen to her she has never really ever complained about it. The only thing was when she was first came home, and she wanted something to eat and she couldn't have it, she told us : I hate you, I hate diabetes!! She got over it, when we told her she could eat pretty much what she wanted, we just had to keep an eye on how much she ate, she was overjoyed!!!
After all this happened and I realized how strong and brave this little girl as only 6 years old going through all of that, she truly became my inspiration to get up in the morning and actually want to do something with my life, and want to be someone. Vivian is the most incredible little girl I have ever met, not because she is just my sister, but because she is a hero to so many people. We started a team called Vivian's Vision. Our family participates in community fundraisers, and all the proceeds go to the JDRF in hopes to find a cure for this horrible disease. She told everyone when she grows up she wants to be a doctor that helps people with the same disease she has. Now, keep in mind this girl is only 9 years old and already has her mind set on what she is going to do with the rest of her life. Her mind and heart are set!!!
Dad came home that night, at told my siblings what was going on, and that mom was going to stay at the hospital with Vivian. When the kids went to bed, Dad told me that as soon as he walked into the Upstate hospital, found Vivi's room, he saw her eyes rolling in the back of her head and lost it and walked out. They diagnosed her as having type 2 diabetes commonly called Juvenile Diabetes.
It has been a rough road these past 3 years. She is doing great now. Last year she did have a seizure and my parents called the ambulance and the fire department came and worked on her. Her blood sugar was extremely low!!!! When she came too, she told the paramedics that she had to be home in time for her soccer game at 10.
Before she had the pod, she would get 4-8 shots of insulin daily (on a good day, when her sugar was in the normal range for her). Other days it would be 8-10 shots a day. Now, she has been on the Omni Pod for about a year. That works wonders!! We don't have to worry about giving her shots anymore. Every 3 days, my parents change her pod, and attach it to another part of her body. (Arms, stomach, backside, or her thighs) It already has the insulin in the pod. So she carries around a little monitor around with her wherever she goes. She calls it Petey!. What it does, is she pricks her finger and it reads her blood sugar, then she eats and after she's done. The carbs in all the food she ate gets added all together, and entered into the monitor, and then we enter her blood sugar before she ate, and it gets calculated and then it tells the pod how much insulin to inject into Vivian. It's so much simpler then counting the carbs, and doing all the math then putting a needle into the vial of insulin and listening to her cry when the needle was injected into her. With having all this happen to her she has never really ever complained about it. The only thing was when she was first came home, and she wanted something to eat and she couldn't have it, she told us : I hate you, I hate diabetes!! She got over it, when we told her she could eat pretty much what she wanted, we just had to keep an eye on how much she ate, she was overjoyed!!!
After all this happened and I realized how strong and brave this little girl as only 6 years old going through all of that, she truly became my inspiration to get up in the morning and actually want to do something with my life, and want to be someone. Vivian is the most incredible little girl I have ever met, not because she is just my sister, but because she is a hero to so many people. We started a team called Vivian's Vision. Our family participates in community fundraisers, and all the proceeds go to the JDRF in hopes to find a cure for this horrible disease. She told everyone when she grows up she wants to be a doctor that helps people with the same disease she has. Now, keep in mind this girl is only 9 years old and already has her mind set on what she is going to do with the rest of her life. Her mind and heart are set!!!
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